at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
