why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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