she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
