lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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