I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
