does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
