There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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