A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
