is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
