Grow some girl-balls and come out already
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
