mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
