Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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