We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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