found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
