I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
