I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
