Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
