I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
