...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
