ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
