every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize