she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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