break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
