I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
