don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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