3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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