if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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