put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Randomize
