I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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