He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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