He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
