TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize