i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
