Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Randomize
