so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
