I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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