she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
