so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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