Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
