We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
