Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
