I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize