He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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