Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
