I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
