On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
