people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
