well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
