I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
