A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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