Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
this is an emotional support booty call
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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