it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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