I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
