So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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