Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Everything about him screamed your future.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
