Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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