I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
