Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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