It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
