i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
