he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The Olympian is in my bed
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize