You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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