It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
