I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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