I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
